Un-orchestrated ..

I seem to have fallen in love with the idea of being loved and wanted, when truly all I want, at this point is to be dealt with (no, not handled). At this point in time I haven't quite figured out how to love myself in order to be loved by another. Still selectively tolerable of another individuals pros and cons they may or may not consciously afford me, I see that I'm not ready for love, but to be welcomed for all that I am without complaint. Though I am aware this may be quite a bit to ask for, I feel that it is nothing short of what I deserve.
As most have experienced heartache and break, self love and self hate, pain and pleasure, as well as extreme heights of happiness and sadness, I too have endured the same. However, I have yet to calculate the sum of all these variables. I have yet to compose the perfect symphony that will crescendo itself into my future. Still sitting at last chair, second violin. Although, I am my own composer, instructor and violinist, I've barely learned to differentiate between treble and bass cleffs.
The irony; my orchestra career was cut short via my own lack of self confidence. Hah. And so the orchestra plays on ...