emotionally insecure while remaining secure ? thats impossible . for so long i had convinced myself that i was secure ; in both my person and my emotions . but , as a woman i am controlled by my emotions , whatever the emotion , whatever the situation . isn't it obvious ? before i even know im upset  mt face is engulfed in flames ; before i can feel my sorrow , my eyes precipitation has told the world ; & even before i am vengeful , my genius is already churning .

to come to this realization is means .. a lot . anybody who knows me knows that i am one strong mothafucka . ive been through so much . but what they dont know or see is that i have not always been this way . once sheltered and scared of the world i had nothing more than fear and ignorance . but , after battling so long to defend myself against my past , i find myself embodying the enemy .

i dunno . i guess what im trying to say is that people will never know who you are until you tell them . there are many people in my life who believe they know me oh so well , but in reality , me along with about three other people in my life know so well , that they can literally tell me about myself .

my person is so underdeveloped and unequipped for this world . when i think this , i think about all the things i can do to better my life and my person . and the truth is , i dont know . but who does ? who really know exactly what they are supposed to do in life to make it ? NOBODY . for 22 years ive done this trial and error thing and ive come to the conclusion it will never be over , and i am perfectly fine with that . to map out life with the perfect plan or any plan is boring and useless .

idk .. judge me or judge me not - im just writing whats on my mind .