the plot thickens .

Lately my mind has been focused on what could be , and how I plan to obtain the possibilities .
Being in the situation that I'm in I've been smacked in the face with the reality that I'd taken what I had back home for advantage . I never thought I'd miss my parents so much .. Or even the blessing of being able to make a 15 minute car ride to their home and see them when I miss them , or when I need to get away .
I'm surrounded by unfamiliarity and b/c of this I've found that I've adapted a dispostion that is not my own . I've always been somewhat anti-social and somewhat of a loaner , but under these circumstances I've been forced to be alone . Which is such bullshit b/c this isn't how I was lead to believe shit would happen .. But then again nothing ever happens the way it's supposed to .
I just can't believe this is happening to me . I've moved away from everything I know and made to believe things would be one way when come to find out it's the same exact things I thought I'd left behind . Once again I am stuck in a rut that I am incapable of getting out of .. Okay I take that back . A few days ago I'd say that I was incapable , but today I can say that I AM capable .
I'm fucking 22 years old dude . I can't live in my friends parents house forever . Granted I've only been living here for two months , but after living in your own space for the 12 months prior to that this shit is unbearable . Bottom line is , the plan that was once OURS has now been altered to be MINE . People won't understand where you're coming from unless they've been there , and it is safe to say nobody understands . I have no car , no family , no friends .. But I do have something . I have two jobs , school in the fall , and the determination to get out of this situation into my own .
I'm very aware that life won't be perfect still after that , but at least at that point anu foul play will solely that of my own . I'm not worried about how hard this is going to be b/c with the way I'm feeling now and what I've already been through in my life in general , the bad outcomes are the least of my worries .
So here is the future , and the struggle it may well bring . With God on one side , and a myriad of reasons to succeed on the other - LETS DO THIS .
* PEACE *