Time out

Laying here for the past hour attempting to drift into a dream and attain some temporary sense of sanity.. all I keep thinking to myself is how much I continually give to life, love and everything else, and how little of it I see in return. I just give and give and give so selflessly telling myself it'll be worth it in the end. But what do I know? I'm 22 years old and I need guidance more than ever. Consistently looking to another individual for answers to questions I can't even decipher for myself.
It just seems like every time I see dawn, sunset directly proceeding it. I feel like I can't catch a break.. but that's my fault for thinking that life is something I should already knla how to handle. I know and have known in my heart for some time now that life is much more than what meets the eye. It's guns and butter, checks and balances, trial and error .. Life AND Death. None of which are to be tampered with.
See me I fucked up. Thinking that I could manipulate life into being what I wanted it to be, trying to finesse her and sweet talk into giving me my way.. and just like a female as soon as I thougt I had her where I wanted her she consistently reminds me who the HBIC is and puts me right back in my place. Needless to say, I find myself put in my place yet again like a kid in time out.
You know what I'm gonna do now though? Sit in time out and think about what I've done. But more importantly, I'll be plotting my next move.. my power move. Now is not the time for frivolous acts of desperation, but for intellectually plotted moves with precision. A time to compile all of these supposed lessons of life, man handle her ass, put some gorilla glue on her ass and tell her what it is and what it's gonna be. This here is just the beginning.
"Life is what you make it, I hope you make a movement. I hope the opportunity survives the opportunist." -Nipsey Hussle
PEACE