So what you gone do?

My being has been weakened. My heart nor my mind can fathom the words to express how either of them feel.. So I'll just write until my hands can't either.
Everyday there is something new and that's a given. Whether it be good or bad it's always something. What's today's something? This indescribable feeling teeter tottering between sanity and desperation. So thirsty for explanation without a drop of hydration in sight. But that's life isn't it? There's no explanation or map to aid us in any shape form or fashion. Sure we can look at the next person's life or our own lives and take note, but what good do these notes do if we don't know how to utilize them? So I lay here, with my legal pad of notes reviewing my life - mistakes and decisions I've made, values my parents instilled in me, and a few cliff notes from people watching - and I haven't a clue what any of it means. Everyday is a struggle to gain knowledge and move forward, but I just seem to be at a stand still. Everyday my mind is consumed of thoughts collected about then, now and what may come. They just kind of sit there and swim around one another, just as lost as their owner. They say that every happening has a purpose, a meaning,  a lesson intertwined in some way. To attempt to figure it all out at once is just a silly thought. Life is one of those things you have to take your time with and nurture. You can't try to treat her like an adolescent and direct her because she will indeed be the one to send you packing, asking yourself what the hell were you thinking.  See life is nothing to fuck with. You only get one of these fuckers, but at least you've got the entire time to figure it out.. to work with it & that is exactly what  I'm learning to do. Taking life one day at a time and I'm rolling with the punches.. winging it so to speak.
If there is one thing I've learned about myself in my time, it is that I am incapable of giving up. Now mind you, there is a difference between giving up and making a power move. Sometimes one must summon their intellect to not make what would necessarily be considered the right move, but the best move. After all, who knows what is better for you than you. Everyday you will have to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you are responsible for your own circumstances - then, now and whenever. Everybody makes fucked up decisions and that is just something that we have to deal with.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that life, in a sense, is what you make it. Granted at times there will be some not so helpful circumstances, but it will always and forever be up to you what you do next.
"Driving down the road with a couple more miles to go. I'm so close but they don't know." - Mac Miller
PEACE